When you are too tired to live?
Yes, you heard that correctly – too tired to live.
How can someone be too tired to live?
Too tired to open your eyes, to take in that breath, move and appear normal. Yet, all those are part of living, of being here.
Holding the soap, washing your face, and going to the kitchen for that cup of coffee. The smile is plastered on your face for that is part of the mask we wear. It is effortless for it has become a norm to just plaster it there, and you do not even think of making an effort to put it there, it is just something that we have to do.
Too tired to even breathe or say good morning – yes sometimes even that seems such a great task as if it would tear through the soul.
Does the coffee do its job?
Or perhaps that bag of doughnuts?
Or maybe a hot meal and a friend who makes you feel better?
The problem is not the friend, for eventually that friend needs to go and live his life, and finding yourself alone with your battered soul, your overflowing cup, overflowing with the lashes that come at you and never seem to stop, and you feel, too tired to live.
That window, that blade, or those rails – beckon – but turning away, resisting though how hard that is, and going on one more day.
Too tired to live.
Too, too tired to live.