Too old to be young; what does that mean?

How can you be too old to be young?

“I am too old to be young, and yet I am too young to be old.”

That just doesn’t make sense, but it makes so much to that guy looking out of the mirror.

How old are you? They ask, and you stop for a moment and think, “Am I supposed to reply with the number that coincides with my birth certificate> If I do that, that would be so completely wrong, for I feel old beyond my years. At the same time, when I venture out of the walls where I had been confined, I feel and act as if I am but a gauche 12-year-old. I cannot interact or deal with adults the way I should, nor am I savvy enough to understand the interactions that they give me. On the other hand, I look at their faces and see that they expect me to give them the reaction they expect of the grown man they see in front of them. I am expected to act and respond according to how I look, but that is impossible.

How could I act as a grown man when a chunk of my life had been stolen from me? But that would imply that I am years younger than my real age, and in a way, I am.

But I am not.

I feel too old.

I act too young.

It cannot be done.”

How can I reconcile both of these people into one sane person?

Then you are going to jump in and say that if a chunk of your life was taken from you, then you should feel and act much younger than your years.

“There was a time when I lived beyond my years, saw what I shouldn’t have seen, and did what I shouldn’t have done. When I could take it no longer, I hid and hid. And for years, I hid some more, refusing life, refusing to live, and refusing to come out of the caterpillar hiding that I had woven for myself or that the things I had seen and done had woven around me.”

“When I did, I could not face the person staring at me from the shiny and scarred mirror. As scarred as I was, it still could not hide the ravages on my face, though I tried to tell it to.”

In my prime, I feel as old as an old man, yet in my heart, I am but a child who hadn’t lived and laughed and played the innocent, hilarious playing that only a normal growing teen could do…

And that’s how I find myself: Too old to be young and too young to be old.

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